You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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