Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
