well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
