This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
