my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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