dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
