Sponge bath it is.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
