so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
