Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Damn victory sex feels great
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
