I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
