This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
