i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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