It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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