who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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