Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
