somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
