i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
