another moral hangover. fuck.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
