I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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