I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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