I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
