I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
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Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
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A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.