When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
