I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom