I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
