It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
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I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
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I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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