Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
