once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
