Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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