I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
