I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
