Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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