my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
