I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
