the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
