I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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