At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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