now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
