Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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