Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
