I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
