Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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