then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
