Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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