Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
