Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
