i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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