she woke up with a sticky ear
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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