I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
