so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
