I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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