shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
