NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
