i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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