i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
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After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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