I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
