Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
