You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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