i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
