The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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