I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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