he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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