we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
