Will you blow on my dice?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Text me some of your sweat
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
