I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
