sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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