i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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