I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
