Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
birth control should be required to get into college
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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