bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
