I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
