we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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