champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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