Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
