Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
